The Dreaded D Word

This morning I did it.

I dropped my kid off at the dreaded "D" word. Daycare.

Speaking of "D" words, I was in denial. I was in denial that what I was really doing was really "daycare".

I said to myself, "This is just Mother's Day Out at church. It's no big deal. Just a few hours so I can get a few things done and have a break."

I was wrong. It was daycare.

"Parents' Day Out" just started back up at my church two weeks ago for the Fall session. I was supposed to drop him off two weeks ago. On that Tuesday though, he had a little sniffle and a clear, runny nose. So I kept him home. The next Thursday, he still had the sniffle so I said, "I'll keep him home till NEXT Tuesday. By then, he'll be just fine and he can start then."

Then, the next week came. I was having a lot of anxiety about having this procedure done on my back the following day. The Husband didn't have to do anything that day so he offered to watch him instead. Then, Thursday came again and I was having such a hard time recovering that I couldn't lift him at all. So, The Husband watched him again.

Well, here we are again. It's Tuesday, two weeks after "Parents' Day Out started and I finally dropped him off. The whole time I kept thinking, "This is just like Sunday School. It's going to be fine." I imagined a Utopia setting kind of like this (except my baby is smaller and he doesn't wear shoes) where my baby would get one on one attention and learn all kinds of things among all of the other babies:

Then I got there.... and there were quite a few babies and less workers than are present during Sunday School. It hit me: My baby is going to "daycare".

For me, "daycare" is this scary word that fills me with terror. It's a place where your kids go and pass germs around. Your kid may have to sit in a poopy diaper longer than normal because the line at the diaper station is long. They may not get to be scooped up right away if they're upset because there are only so many arms to pick up little, crying babies. They might cry because they're hungry and it won't be time to let them eat. They might just cry all day long and nobody will care because it isn't their kid.

This morning I felt like it was more like this:

I even felt like I should stay and help out. I kept asking if they needed help and if they were going to be okay.

But,  I'm proud of myself because I got over it and left. I trusted them and trusted that they had things under control. I'm sure it only looked scary because I was dropping him off for the first time and was a "wee bit" anxious.

I know that this is just the first in a long line of things my baby will do to become independent. Going to this program twice a week will give him other ideas of how to play with toys and how to interact with kiddos his age. He'll also hopefully learn that other people can meet his needs in different ways than Mommy and that is okay. Hopefully, it will also give me some confidence that his world will not end if he's not attended to with every need as soon as it happens. People call that patience I think.

So, I did it... and he crawled right in and started playing with a toy I had not seen before and never looked back. I'm so glad he's able to take these first steps in an environment he's already comfortable with, at our home church.

Now, excuse me while I try to distract myself and resist the urge to just go get him right away and destroy his opportunity for learning patience.

Why I Chose to Cut My Boy

Recently, there has been a lot of go 'round in the media about parents circumcising their boys. It all started in March of 2011 when San Francisco decided to BAN a parent's right to choose whether or not they could cut their little boys and hippies and others alike rejoiced and said, "LET them STAY the way they were BORN! Stop the useless CUTTING on the village children!". Or something like that.

Anyhow, October 1st, 2011 we made the decision to cast aside the risks and get our newborn baby's penis cut.

It wasn't an easy decision. I did research. Research that is finally making its way back into the media. You see, I read a preliminary study that said that boys and men who are circumcised have a MUCH less chance of contracting HIV. More about that later.

I'm not really into hurting babies or potentially harming them. However, when something can be done that could potentially save the life of my child (or seriously impact their quality of life), I take note and weigh the risks. My husband and I have done the same thing with vaccines.

The vaccines were an easy sell for me. About 10 weeks into my pregnancy with The Baby, my husband caught the whooping cough and gave it to me. We were both so violently sick with cough that we both thought we would die. We both thanked GOD it had not been the following year when we would have had a baby infant. That showed me how important it was to get vaccines. There's a reason why those illnesses need vaccines and I didn't want to take chances.

I still hate the thought of The Baby having a serious reaction to vaccines and something bad happening. But whooping cough (and other diseases like measles) that were almost eradicated, are making such a comeback that they've killed more children this year than they EVER did before the vaccines. Credit that for the amount of world travel that exists now and the scares that vaccines causes Autism (which has been disproved a hundred times over but it was so prevalent in the media that it still persists today).

Anyhow, the current rates of circumcision in the United States are about 58 percent. Eighteen states do not cover the procedure under Medicaid. But, I think that's about to change. The research I did before my baby had the procedure is finally coming out in a panel judgement. The panel of doctors from the CDC determined that the health benefits of circumcision outweigh the risks. There is clear evidence that circumcision helps prevent the spread of HPV and HIV. This story from NBC talks more about the results.

 As a parent I do not want to ever think about my child having sex. I'm just coming to terms with the fact that he has even discovered his genitals. But, one day it is going to happen. I pray that it is with his wife on their honeymoon and he never has to worry about those 3-letter diseases. But, if it doesn't go that way, I'm trying to do my part to protect him from what I can... from whooping cough to HIV. Of course we cannot get around the fact that the Bible called for circumcision in the Old Testament as a necessary procedure to become "clean". Although Jesus said it is not necessary for Salvation, perhaps the Old Testament has more relevant instructions to live by today than we realize.

I just want to say in closing.. these are my own personal reasons.  Whatever yours are, I just hope you have done your research before deciding to cut or not. I see both sides of the issue, and we parents should still be given the right to choose.

Delete This Post When Baby Can Read

In the past couple of weeks, something has happened.

And I've been delaying writing about it.

You know how baby books have those spaces in them for things like "Discovered Hands!", "Discovered Toes!", and "Can Grasp an Object!"?

Well, there's no entry in there for "Discovered and Grabs Genitals"!

But, guess what... just like every other milestone, it happens. And just like every other milestone, once it happens, they don't unlearn it.

In addition to not having an entry in a baby book for this milestone, nobody prepares you for this moment! At the last check-up with my pediatrician, she failed to ask me, "Has your baby discovered his penis yet?" She also failed to prepare me on how to handle this "milestone".

It happened for the first time a few weeks ago while I was changing The Baby's diaper. After I took his diaper off, he immediately reached down and grabbed IT. And then he laughed. And repeated it. And repeated laughing. And then he repeated it every single time I have taken off his diaper since then. And in the bath. And any other time he has access to IT.

Since he's only 10 months and just learning to label things, I told him what it was. But, now I am scared I might have said what it was too much. Or maybe I'm looking at him grabbing IT too much. Or maybe I'm not doing anything properly in regards to this matter.

So, I did what any fearful first-time parent would do: I Googled what the proper etiquette is regarding a baby's gender-bits. Be forewarned, if you do this... be VERY careful what you put into the search box. People are sickos. Anyhoo, the article told me to tell him what IT is in the proper words (ie. the P word and V word since I'm trying to avoid said sickos searching and finding my blog), never tell him "No" regarding touching IT and instead tell him it is private, and he needs to only touch IT when he's in a private setting, and that nobody else can touch it except mommy and daddy.

Well, that was really informative. Except... The Baby is not even a year old. He understands about 50 words and "Private" is really a concept that escapes him. Believe me, I tried to explain this regarding my use of the bathroom... and it didn't work! Also, how many times should I label this thing? His first real word that he uses without fault in the proper context is "Dog" (only it sounds like Dogmm). We barely ever even used that term. It was always "Puppy" and "Bear" as that's our dog's name. However, somehow he picked up the word "Dog" and it stuck. So, I'm pretty sure I do NOT want his second word to start with a P!

The article also did nothing to calm the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. My baby knows and likes to touch his IT. There is no going back. From this point onward, as in every man's life, that will be the center of his thinking in a short decade.

I can't believe my precious newborn baby is almost a year old. This milestone has been the first one that has really knocked me down into a little depression. I know that he was headed for this point from the moment he was conceived, getting older every day. But all I thought about back when he was a newborn was how I wanted him to be raised, not the fact that he was going to be raised and get older SOON.

People talk about how quickly the first year goes by and that it gets even faster after that, but you have no idea how quickly that really happens until you're an adult and in that situation. Days are chocked full of chores and things that HAVE to be done to maintain the household when you have a baby. It is really mind-bending.

This "IT" issue really got me thinking that once he does understand the word "Private" we are going to have to have some ongoing conversations, you know, the tough ones. As a parent (at least a decent one), you know one day that is going to happen but when they are a newborn it is literally the furthest thing from your mind (once you get over the novelty of having to clean those parts). This new discovery makes it all so real and scary to think about!

So, there is only one solution and that is to have another and just ignore the privates on this one! Just kidding. Sort of. Not really. I now know why that Duggar woman keeps having them. Anyhow, the real solution, I guess, is to embrace his getting older and concentrate on the ways he has grown. I need to also think about the future conversations and how and when we will give him information about his "IT". And keep that friggin' diaper snapped tightly.

My ADD is Kicking In.. Just STOP!

I can't tell you how many times a month I hear that phrase from someone. "Sorry, My ADD is kicking in." It drives me crazy! I want to shake the person and say, "You have no idea what it is like to live with ADD or ADHD so take accountability and just stop thinking about whatever you're letting your mind wander to and pay better attention!"

You see, The Husband really does have ADD. It hasn't been formally diagnosed, but since I have lived with him for 4 years, I consider myself a reputable source. Hey, I once told The Husband's Father that he had Type 2 Diabetes and he needed to go to the doctor immediately. His blood sugar was at around 600 when he saw the doctor (normal is 80-110). I also told my high school boyfriend that I thought he had appendicitis and needed to go to the emergency room. He had an appendectomy 12 hours later. I've had enough Pre-Med, Emergency classes, and interest in Medicine to know the symptoms of some major illnesses and know when someone needs to see a doctor.

My husband needs to see a doctor about his ADHD. He knows it. I know it. His MOM knows it. My family knows it. Pretty much anyone who has ever spent any time with him KNOWS it. 

However, getting him to go is a whole other problem. This weekend he did surgery on his own toe. His toenail was badly ingrown and became infected. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you he spent AT LEAST 10 hours operating on it before he conceded it was something he "may not be able to treat himself". One look at it myself and I knew there was no way I could even help him. It was literally buried between the folds of his toe at the nail line at least a half inch deep. I told him the only way I could fix it for him was to go to UT and get a scalpel from a dissection kit and use some Orajel on it. That's when he decided to go to the doctor. (As you can see, I have my ways of getting him to come to conclusions on his own.)

ADHD or Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder usually manifests its worst symptoms in childhood and adolescents*. Kids have to be at least 4 years old to be diagnosed. Right now about 10% of kids are being diagnosed with ADHD, a figure that has risen in the past 10 years (more about that later). 

In order to be diagnosed with ADHD, your child must exhibit at least 6 of the symptoms below for at least 6 months, in MORE than 2 settings. This helps rule out the diagnosis in cases where a child is bored or doesn't like school or where their homelife isn't good which creates bad behaviors. Here are the symptoms:

* Are in Constant Motion

* Squirm and Fidgit

* Do Not Seem to Listen

* Have Difficulty Playing Quietly

* Often Talk Excessively

* Interrupt or intrude on Others

* Are Easily Distracted

* Do Not Finish Tasks

I really was able to solidify "My Diagnosis" of The Husband after I found all of his report cards from Elementary School. His teachers constantly wrote remarks that reflected every one of the symptoms above throughout all of his years. On every one of his standardized tests, he scored extremely poorly (10% or below) on anything that required listening or intense concentration. In other areas he scored mostly above average, showing that he was really intelligent but had listening and concentration issues. When I found these, I immediately understood my husband better and began to try and get him to get treatment for his problem. 

After finding these, it has taken a year of "working it" to get The Husband to really believe and understand he even has ADD, much less ADHD. I have seen him struggle so much and my only goals are to make his life easier and help him deal with his ADHD better. Recently, I told him how the ADHD is impacting our family and how I'm afraid it will impact our family as The Baby gets older. 

Sixty to seventy percent of kids diagnosed with ADHD as children will continue to have problems with it as adults. I really believe this shows that it is not being over-diagnosed. Here are the ways in which ADHD manifests in adults:

*Chronic Lateness and Forgetfulness

*Anxiety

*Low Self-Esteem

*Employment Problems

*Difficulty Controlling Anger

*Impulsiveness

*Substance Abuse or Addiction

*Poor Organization Skills

*Procrastination

*Low Frustration Tolerance

*Chronic Boredom

*Difficulty Concentrating When Reading

*Mood Swings

*Depression

*Relationship Problems

Adults with ADHD are more likely to have:

*Had a history of poor educational performance or be underachievers

*Had more frequent school disciplinary actions

*Had to repeat a grade 

*Dropped out of school more often

*Change employers more often and perform poorly

*Have fewer occupational achievements

*Have a lower socioeconomic status

*Have driving violations and others rate them as having poorer driving habits

*Use illegal substances more frequently (self-medication!)

*Smoke Cigarettes

*Have more marital problems and multiple marriages

*Have higher incidence of separation and divorce

So about 5-6% of adults have this disorder and if it is left untreated, there are obviously very horrible consequences to both the individual and their family. Sadly, this disorder is really on the rise in the South and Midwest (and it is not just that we are getting better at diagnosing unlike in the case of autism). Recent studies suggest two serious reasons why ADHD is on the rise:

1.) Pesticides (makes sense because kids in the South and Midwest are most likely to be near farms)

2.) Early Childhood TV Watching (Due to long winters in Midwest and Socio-economic status, this makes sense too)

The pesticides and TV along with the genetic component are the reasons why we switched our diet to mostly ONLY Organic and why we won't let our child watch TV till he's older. We are trying to do our part to make sure that he has the best chance at not having ADHD.

However, it is too late for The Husband concerning getting ADHD. If you know The Husband very well at all, you would know that he has had problems with every single one of these things listed above except using illegal substances, thank the Lord. He was thankfully able to kick his addiction to chewing tobacco, but still craves it every single day.

After educating myself and others on why he has these issues and how his ADHD manifests, I have so much sympathy for him. He has really done his best to overcome this on his own.

Could you please join me in praying for The Husband and our family in this issue? Also, if you or someone you know has adult ADHD, could you share your stories publicly or privately to encourage him!?

And the rest of you.... the ones who keep saying, "My ADD is kicking in," please stop saying this! The only reason you are distracted and aren't listening is because you're trying to multitask and STUDIES SHOW that multi-tasking is really impossible. All you're doing is quickly switching between tasks and one of the tasks (or both) is going to suffer because of it. So, if you're trying to have a conversation with me, get off of facebook, close your phone, or do whatever else you need to do to have a proper conversation. Or show me your Ritalin script and I'll be sympathetic. ;)

*All facts and statistics listed that are not linked to an outside source are courtesy of www.webmd.com.

How I Folded my Paper Towel Habit!

A couple months back I wrote about my love and addiction for paper towels. And how my husband burned me with the comment, "You cloth diaper, but you still use paper towels!"

I was using about $10.00 a month in paper towels because they were easy, absorbent, and a little soft, blankety comfort I had always had growing up in my own house. Don't let that blankety softness fool you though, they are made from paper. Paper is made from trees or other fibers, and it takes quite a few processes to make trees into blankety softness. He was right.. it was time to change my ways. $10.00 a month is $120.00 a year for a bunch of BLEACHED processed trees.

Here in the good ole USA, we are currently the top user of paper towels. In fact, we use 50% more paper towels than all of Europe combined. Europe has about 738 million people living in it. The United States has about 350 million. So we have half as many people here and use twice as many paper towels. Using my mad math skillz, that comes out to the average person here uses four times as many paper towels as someone in Europe.

So, environmental issues aside, we are just really trying to make our own family become sustainable. By "sustainable", I mean living off the grid. We're slowly getting there, but paper towels were seriously one of the things I didn't think I could get rid of. My love for blankety softness ran deep. I could imagine myself living off the grid and having to go make a trip to a Wal-mart because I NEEDED to stock up on these things, despite their bulk and lack of storage ease.

Instead of outright going cold turkey on the PT issue, I researched paper towel alternatives for weeks on end. I looked at everything from bar mops, to cloth diapers (Okay, maybe I just looked at cloth diapers to look at cloth diapers), to birds-eye cloths. I even thought about somehow rolling bar mop towels up on a dispenser. In the end I couldn't find a suitable alternative.

That's when I realized my addiction to blankety softness was indeed more than a physical need to have something available to clean up spills. It was a psychological addiction. Nothing I researched was good enough to replace the convenience of buying something to clean stuff up with and then throwing it away. I was addicted to the thought that I don't like using cloth to clean up spills.

So, I let myself buy that one last package of Bounty (Never the Select-a-Size) Paper Towels. And felt guilty. Very guilty. In fact, I got the third degree by The Husband when I brought it home. I tried defending myself. It didn't work. If I was going to make a change, I would have to do it within myself.

I thought about the reasons again why I don't like using cloth to clean up spills. Here they are:

1.) I don't like cleaning up a mess with something that is dirty. (Aka a cloth that has already been used.)

2.) I HATE doing laundry.

3.) Cloth is not nearly as absorbent as paper towels it seems.

4.) I don't like streaks. 

5.) Paper Towels make AWESOME napkins.

After thinking about the reasons why I was psychologically opposed to cloth towels, I thought about solutions to those problems.

Perhaps if I had enough towels that I could easily use a clean one every time I needed one, then I wouldn't have to use a dirty cloth to clean up. I already do a boatload of laundry. What if I actually got on top of the laundry problem and always had the washer empty and could throw the dirty towels in there? Then, maybe I could use a special bucket beside the washer if it is full. With cloth diapers you quickly realize the solution for absorbency is two-fold: material makes a difference and you can in NO WAY use ANY softener on it or it reduces absorbency. As far as the streaking goes, I could possibly find a cloth that doesn't leave streaks. The realization that I needed to buy some everyday cloth napkins was slow to come, but I finally realized that I couldn't solve my paper towel problem with JUST ONE solution. I needed several different cloths for different things.

When I got to the final solution, it came with a realization: THE reason why I was so addicted to Paper Towels was because they were literally a "one-size fits all" solution to many cleaning problems. I couldn't expect to go back to the basics and replace the paper towel with a different "one-size fits all" solution.

So, now I have an arsenal of cleaning cloths. For around $25.00, I replaced my paper towel habit with 12 cloth napkins, a dozen bar mops and various kitchen towels, 2 microfiber towels for cleaning streaks, and several sponges which I only use on dirty dishes and put in the dishwasher every day. 

My husband is very happy with me. I'm happy for myself that I kicked the habit. 

Now, my next challenge is to think about Family Cloth.. I don't know if I can psychologically get over this one. But, I may try.