Not MY child!!!

Today, my MOther-In-Law and I spent a fabulous day together. We didn't do anything too outrageous, unless you call going to Cracker Barrel crazy! We pretty much just spent the whole day talking and visiting afterward on her porch veranda overlooking the Smoky Mountains. While we were there we were discussing parenting philosophies and it really got to me, thinking about what the future might hold for us! What got us started on that was her very sweet offer to take The Baby for us one day a week while we tend to our own relationship or errands we need to run. I told her that I'm glad she offered, but right now I can't leave him for more than a few hours because he's still nursing.

I also told her that The Husband wasn't too keen on leaving him there because of their tendency to feed The Baby's 2 and 6 year old cousins Diet Coke, McDonald's, Slushies, and anything pure sugar. Considering our new trend for eating and growing organic, we might just die if he ended up demanding chicken nuggets.

 Anyhow, Momma D told me how she used to get nervous anytime her boys (my dear husband and his older brother) went somewhere with their dad, Big E. She said he used to take them to the flea market and he would get so engrossed in what he was doing, he would practically forget the boys even came with him. She said that they would take off on their own and roam the flea market, unsupervised at very young ages (perhaps around 6 and 8). She says it is a wonder nobody kidnapped them. I told her nobody probably kidnapped them because they were such troublemakers.

She glanced at me with a quizzical look and I began telling her one of those "secrets" a husband tells his wife about from his childhood. My husband told me at anytime they went anywhere, their first priority was to go into the restroom, always unattended. They would then destroy every single thing they possibly could in there: unrolling all the toilet paper onto the floor, trying to clog the toilets, flooding the sinks, and pretty much anything else little boys could think was fun (and disrespectful) to do.

 Then Momma D got this faraway upset look in her eyes. She finally realized just what it was her "angels" had been doing their whole childhood, in the restrooms. It was if I had just told her Santa Claus didn't exist. She then said,"OOOOh, I TOLD Big E to go in and check on them EVERY time we went somewhere. I would always tell him that they had been in there forever and ask him to go see what they were doing! He would always tell me if they weren't out in another minute, he would go get them. But, sure enough, they would always come back before he checked on them." She told me that she had always wondered just what it was they were doing in there that took so long. She would have blistered them if she had known.

 While she was telling me this, you could see the combined look of horror and disappointment, not only with her boys, but with herself. If only she would have known, she would've stopped it. And how could she have such "evil" children, as she put it! It really got me thinking about a mother's love for her children. No matter what your kids do or how they disappoint you, they will always be loved. I thought about all of the wrong things I've done, that I intentionally hid from my parents. I was a really troubled teen and I did a lot of pretty awful stuff, some illegal, and some definitely immoral. Yet, I know, had my mom known about all of this, she would probably had the same reaction as Momma D had today: intense disappointment, some shock, but still claim her love.

 That got me thinking about my Father's love for me... No, not my human father (although I'm sure he'd share a similar reaction as my mom). I'm referring to our Heavenly Father, God. If he only loved us as much as our human mother, then it is enough to love us despite our greatest sins. For even a mother of a serial killer will still claim to love her son.

 Deuteronomy 7:9 states (NIV): Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, He is the faithful God, and keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations who love him. 1 John 4:7-11 states: Dear friends, let us love one another, because love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God, knows God. Whoever does not love, does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed love among us: he sent his one and only son into the world that we may live through him. I think that this is the kind of love only a parent could give. That God loves you so much that he will overlook the ways you fail Him.

It is not the kind of love you can earn, for no matter how many things I hid from my parents, it wouldn't make them love me more. (which is pretty good since I wish you luck in hiding anything from God's eyes). There is no doubt that I have that God-love for my son and also for my spouse and definitely for my parents. I overlook any of their faults because I know that, in whole, they love me despite my own faults. But, I have to admit, curiosity has me wondering what faults I will soon be looking over in my own son... What things he might do behind my back that I will love him in spite of.

In fact, when you think about it, loving your kids is a pretty good mirror to God-love. I know one thing is for certain... My kids will NOT be going to the restroom unattended anytime soon!

While I was in Indiana, I visited both my sets of grandparents. One set is my dad's dad and his wife (my paternal grandmother passed away when I was 8, from Breast Cancer) and the other set is my mom's mom and dad (although he's the only Grandpa I've ever known and he adopted my mom, he is not my mom's biological father). Anyhow, they got to meet and visit with the Baby for the first time and I got a difficult reminder of what life looks like as you age. But, one thing REALLY bothered me while we were there, which is why I've put off writing about it for so long.

My dad's dad (Grandpa B) and wife have been living in an assisted living facility, in their own apartment, for about a decade. Through the ups and downs in their physical health, they have been able to transition from the hospital, nursing home, and back to their apartment as needed. Throughout the entire time, they've never had to deal with declining mental faculties... yet.. which is a huge praise as they are both 90 years old now.

My mom's mom (Grandma L) and dad, on the other hand, are a different story. Honestly, I suspect they are getting into the early stages of dementia. They've not had it easy in terms of physical health ever. My Grandma has had four DIFFERENT types of cancer! The first one was Stomach cancer that she got when I was 13. They caught it accidentally and she was cured by removal of most of her stomach. Next, she found out she had skin cancer and thankfully it was the slow-growing kind. Next, they found a small mass on one of her lungs and, at Mayo Clinic, they put a piece of radiation inside of her and cured her of it. Last has been Colon Cancer, and although most of it was removed, I believe she still has some. She also has been diagnosed with Parkinson's and has been nearly bed-bound for over 20 years due to emphysema.

But, these are not the things that really bother me. My grandma has had a long-standing attitude that she may die any minute which started when I was in my early teens. Although she is saved, she is not from the era of Christians who rejoiced in KNOWING they are saved, but yet she "hopes" she is saved. This is despite any Bible reading on my part to inform her of the contrary. <sigh>

But, that's not the part that really bothers me either. Seeing my grandparents age and eventually seeing their death is difficult, but yet it is part of the byproduct of having lived a long, beautiful life where they have even got to meet their great-grandchildren.

The part that bothers me is this: Because of being alone, watching a lot of TV, and side-effects from medication, and suspected dementia, my mom's parents have become very suspicious and sometimes mean. A couple of years ago, when I visited, they accused me of stealing some of their medication. I thought they were joking, but they were not. They had recently seen a documentary on TV stating how it was a growing epidemic for children and grand-children to steal their parents' and grandparents' medications. I came to find out that it was only 4 pills and my grandpa has misplaced everything from his car keys, own medicine, and GPS since... But, for this, I will always remember the pain of my grandparents thinking I would steal from them.

I was only able to visit for a few hours due to this, and I just plain miss them and the ability to speak to them regularly, without suspicion on their part.