Shine Your Light Challenge!

How are you using your light?

God's Beautiful Artistry! I was lucky to capture this in 2008.

Matthew 5:14-16
Jesus said:

14 "You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In this way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."






When I took art classes, I learned so much about lighting, and how it can affect so much of a painting or mood of a photograph. Light, bounced off of a bright surface will multiply, lighting up even the darkest of shadows, sometimes giving off the most beautiful glow. Conversely, light bounced off of dark surfaces will absorb the light, rendering shadows, and even making the source of light look dull or stark.

When I was given my Christ-light, this wonderful gift of discernment and love and knowledge, I have not always wielded it with the best of intentions. At times, I've shined my light on my husband, not to make him glow, but to shine a light on his darkness, the part of him that wasn't shining so brightly. In essence, I used my light selfishly, trying to change him by highlighting his darkness, while failing to use the light on my own dark spots of sin.

At other times, I've shined my light so brightly on a mirror, bouncing my Christ-light back onto my own bright spots, even more selfishly. Look how bright I am! Look at the bright spots, how much I shine for God! Or even using my light to highlight my own need for prayer. Look how important my need to do better is!

And others? I've used it to shine my light and expose those who've never had a light themselves. Look how much darkness is in this person! They've never known God, as if this is a something it wasn't my job to help rectify.

But, what happens when we use our light the way God intended us to? What happens when I use my light to shine it towards God, instead of a mirror? Oh, the Glory! He is illuminated, and multiplied and glorified, and the path to his everlasting light is made gorgeously, illustriously clear!

And what if I shine that light on someone lost in the dark, not as a spotlight like a police cruiser might use, but as a beacon of help and of hope. What if I use my light as a flashlight to help them navigate out of the darkness, lighting the path towards the giver of light, saving their everlasting soul? How utterly, wonderfully, marvelous!

What if I use my light to shine it on the God-given light of others? Light with light illuminates so beautifully! And what if we keep going and so much light is created that it starts to soften even the darkest spots of sin, we all still have inside. What if it is so glorious and breathtaking that every soul is aching to have their own Christ-light? What if the light just keeps growing and growing and growing, and the whole world is filled with what the light brings, ultimate peace and Christ-like LOVE? Wow..

But how? How do we use our light in this way? How do we keep the light going? I'm a stay at home mom, saddled with the pain and desperation that a devastatingly painful genetic condition brings.

The secret is in the small things, the everyday interactions, even something as simple as checking out at a cash register at the grocery store. It starts with just being present, seeking The Lord in all you do.

This is my challenge for you, the "Shine Your Light Challenge"

Next time you need to go to the grocery store, or other store, or mail something or whatever task you need to do, be it alone, or with children, or even jointly with your spouse, complete this set of tasks.

1.) Be PREPARED for what you need to do, with a grocery list, or all the measurements for something you need to buy. Bring all the things you need to create a pleasant experience if you're going to be out for a bit. Bring snacks, entertainment, and whatnot, especially if you're bringing kids along.

2.) Be PRAYERFUL about what you're going to do. When you get into the car, ask God to help you through the task you have at hand. Most importantly, ask God to show you how you can be of service and shine your Christ-light today while you're out. Make sure you do this with anyone you're bringing with you.

3.) Be PRESENT. If you're doing this challenge with others, make sure you are engaged with them as you go about each step of your outings. If you're traveling with others, talk about what you need to do at the store and what your expectations of them are. If you're going alone, make sure you avoid distracted driving, so no phone use. Look around and notice things on your way. Look for hurting people, people who are waiting on the bus when it is 90 degrees outside, people who look like they're trapped in addiction, people who you may not be able to help much, but allow yourself to pray  for them, that they may be helped by others, if you're unable to help them safely.

4.) Be POSITIVE. Throughout your task, try to keep your thoughts on what you can do for others and remain positive, while driving, while completing your task, while talking with others. Don't forget to pray when you arrive at your destination and throughout your task. If you get aggravated at something you need not being there, be thankful for an opportunity to talk to someone. If you are in a long line, use this opportunity to chat with others. Ask them how they're doing. Find something to compliment them on. Ask to help them with something if they're struggling. Don't forget to ask God to show you who you can help and with what!

Whether it is helping an elderly person into the store, having a conversation with someone who is desperately lonely, buying something for someone who is hungry, praying for someone who needs it, or just simply shining your light, I trust that by being PREPARED for what you need to do so you're able to complete your own task without worry, being PRAYERFUL so that you are able to remain on God's tasks, being PRESENT so you notice others' needs (including your own family's needs), and by being POSITIVE which will give you the confidence to help someone without focusing on your own worries, you can shine your Christ-light so brightly and truly make a difference in each small task you need to complete.

If you take this "Shine Your Light Challenge", please get back to me! Tell me how you felt, how you helped, and how God was glorified!

Building Walls

All you say is that you want to be safe. 

Safe from people who might try to hurt you and your family.

Safe from people who are dressing up like the other gender who might get into restrooms and hurt your children.

Safe from people with darker skin, raised in poverty, smuggling drugs across the border.

Safe from people who dress in burkas and grew up in war torn areas who might just be here to infiltrate and kill Americans. 

Safe from anything that could bring destruction into your little safe haven you’ve created where you go to work, go to church, eat tacos on Tuesday, and post flashbacks on Facebook on Fridays. You follow the rules, you don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t curse. You’re good with God. Just stay safe.

At night you lay there thinking… what if.. what if.. what if? Build a wall. Ban this religion. Make laws to keep people out of bathrooms. This will keep us safe.

But this week, you’re not safe. In the blink of an eye, and one mouse click, you saw that a privileged young man, with money, prestigious education, and athletic prowess took the safety away from a young woman who will never feel safe again. I see you looking for someone to blame… the boy… the parents… the society. But, you’re missing the mark. It is the sin.

You can keep building your walls, banning the bad guys, higher and higher and higher, but there are holes in your levy. Big ones. You see, the sin… it doesn’t have to find a way in. It is already inside, inside each and every one of us. 

The ONLY cure for sin is salvation. When I began to believe in God, I was granted a fresh set of eyes that continues to remind me that serving others is more important than any selfish desire I have. Jesus told his disciples to GO, to get rid of ALL of their possessions and simply come FOLLOW him, spreading the good news, and giving the poor in spirit, poor in health, poor in life what they needed; healing, food, water, shelter.

Christian friends, he is asking the very same thing of you. The truth is that we can’t build a wall high enough to keep the evildoers out, because we ARE the evil doers. We fight against each other instead of helping each other. We close ourselves up into little boxes, praying that nobody comes in, where we are called to FEAR NOT and to GO and HELP. 

We should be welcoming as many foreigners and Muslims as we can. There is no question that this is “Love your neighbor.” You are probably saying, “But Jaime, what if some evil comes!?” 

I say to you, “But, what if we do such a good job at loving these evildoers that they cannot understand how anyone could possibly hate us? What if we give them everything we possibly can and not one person says to them that they don’t belong here. What if we bring the love of CHRIST to them and they are no longer bound by the laws of men?”

Then you’re probably saying, “But no American life should have to be lost so that we can help these people. We aren’t even taking care of our veterans.” 

I say to you, “Shame on you for not going to help veterans more, then. Shame on you for staying inside your box and not making this more of a priority. There is plenty of love to take care of all of those we can. There is plenty here. Do not let the greedy ones tell you there isn’t enough, because I know better. Jesus will make provisions. He always does. He fed 5,000 men plus women and children out of nothing but 5 loaves of bread and two fish!" (Matthew 14)

You might be saying, “But Jaime, I’m just scared.. I just want my uncles, cousins, brothers to be safe. They are serving in the military.”

I say to you, “Jesus told us to fear not.”

And you might say… it is just too hard for me. I can’t not worry. And I will say, “That is why the evil is inside… that is satan. Anything that is fear is manipulation from the evil one. Love your Lord with all of your heart and fear not.”

In closing, here are a few scriptural references you may find helpful.

1 John 4:18  There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

Titus Chapter 3

3:1 Remind them to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, 2 to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show every courtesy to everyone. 3 For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, despicable, hating one another. 4 But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of any works of righteousness that we had done, but according to his mercy, through the water of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit. 6 This Spirit he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7 so that having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life. 8 The saying is sure.

I desire that you insist on these things, so that those who have come to believe in God may be careful to devote themselves to good works; these things are excellent and profitable to everyone. 9 But avoid stupid controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless. 10 After a first and second admonition, have nothing more to do with anyone who causes divisions, 11 since you know that such a person is perverted and sinful, being self condemned.

Not MY child!!!

Today, my MOther-In-Law and I spent a fabulous day together. We didn't do anything too outrageous, unless you call going to Cracker Barrel crazy! We pretty much just spent the whole day talking and visiting afterward on her porch veranda overlooking the Smoky Mountains. While we were there we were discussing parenting philosophies and it really got to me, thinking about what the future might hold for us! What got us started on that was her very sweet offer to take The Baby for us one day a week while we tend to our own relationship or errands we need to run. I told her that I'm glad she offered, but right now I can't leave him for more than a few hours because he's still nursing.

I also told her that The Husband wasn't too keen on leaving him there because of their tendency to feed The Baby's 2 and 6 year old cousins Diet Coke, McDonald's, Slushies, and anything pure sugar. Considering our new trend for eating and growing organic, we might just die if he ended up demanding chicken nuggets.

 Anyhow, Momma D told me how she used to get nervous anytime her boys (my dear husband and his older brother) went somewhere with their dad, Big E. She said he used to take them to the flea market and he would get so engrossed in what he was doing, he would practically forget the boys even came with him. She said that they would take off on their own and roam the flea market, unsupervised at very young ages (perhaps around 6 and 8). She says it is a wonder nobody kidnapped them. I told her nobody probably kidnapped them because they were such troublemakers.

She glanced at me with a quizzical look and I began telling her one of those "secrets" a husband tells his wife about from his childhood. My husband told me at anytime they went anywhere, their first priority was to go into the restroom, always unattended. They would then destroy every single thing they possibly could in there: unrolling all the toilet paper onto the floor, trying to clog the toilets, flooding the sinks, and pretty much anything else little boys could think was fun (and disrespectful) to do.

 Then Momma D got this faraway upset look in her eyes. She finally realized just what it was her "angels" had been doing their whole childhood, in the restrooms. It was if I had just told her Santa Claus didn't exist. She then said,"OOOOh, I TOLD Big E to go in and check on them EVERY time we went somewhere. I would always tell him that they had been in there forever and ask him to go see what they were doing! He would always tell me if they weren't out in another minute, he would go get them. But, sure enough, they would always come back before he checked on them." She told me that she had always wondered just what it was they were doing in there that took so long. She would have blistered them if she had known.

 While she was telling me this, you could see the combined look of horror and disappointment, not only with her boys, but with herself. If only she would have known, she would've stopped it. And how could she have such "evil" children, as she put it! It really got me thinking about a mother's love for her children. No matter what your kids do or how they disappoint you, they will always be loved. I thought about all of the wrong things I've done, that I intentionally hid from my parents. I was a really troubled teen and I did a lot of pretty awful stuff, some illegal, and some definitely immoral. Yet, I know, had my mom known about all of this, she would probably had the same reaction as Momma D had today: intense disappointment, some shock, but still claim her love.

 That got me thinking about my Father's love for me... No, not my human father (although I'm sure he'd share a similar reaction as my mom). I'm referring to our Heavenly Father, God. If he only loved us as much as our human mother, then it is enough to love us despite our greatest sins. For even a mother of a serial killer will still claim to love her son.

 Deuteronomy 7:9 states (NIV): Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, He is the faithful God, and keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations who love him. 1 John 4:7-11 states: Dear friends, let us love one another, because love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God, knows God. Whoever does not love, does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed love among us: he sent his one and only son into the world that we may live through him. I think that this is the kind of love only a parent could give. That God loves you so much that he will overlook the ways you fail Him.

It is not the kind of love you can earn, for no matter how many things I hid from my parents, it wouldn't make them love me more. (which is pretty good since I wish you luck in hiding anything from God's eyes). There is no doubt that I have that God-love for my son and also for my spouse and definitely for my parents. I overlook any of their faults because I know that, in whole, they love me despite my own faults. But, I have to admit, curiosity has me wondering what faults I will soon be looking over in my own son... What things he might do behind my back that I will love him in spite of.

In fact, when you think about it, loving your kids is a pretty good mirror to God-love. I know one thing is for certain... My kids will NOT be going to the restroom unattended anytime soon!

While I was in Indiana, I visited both my sets of grandparents. One set is my dad's dad and his wife (my paternal grandmother passed away when I was 8, from Breast Cancer) and the other set is my mom's mom and dad (although he's the only Grandpa I've ever known and he adopted my mom, he is not my mom's biological father). Anyhow, they got to meet and visit with the Baby for the first time and I got a difficult reminder of what life looks like as you age. But, one thing REALLY bothered me while we were there, which is why I've put off writing about it for so long.

My dad's dad (Grandpa B) and wife have been living in an assisted living facility, in their own apartment, for about a decade. Through the ups and downs in their physical health, they have been able to transition from the hospital, nursing home, and back to their apartment as needed. Throughout the entire time, they've never had to deal with declining mental faculties... yet.. which is a huge praise as they are both 90 years old now.

My mom's mom (Grandma L) and dad, on the other hand, are a different story. Honestly, I suspect they are getting into the early stages of dementia. They've not had it easy in terms of physical health ever. My Grandma has had four DIFFERENT types of cancer! The first one was Stomach cancer that she got when I was 13. They caught it accidentally and she was cured by removal of most of her stomach. Next, she found out she had skin cancer and thankfully it was the slow-growing kind. Next, they found a small mass on one of her lungs and, at Mayo Clinic, they put a piece of radiation inside of her and cured her of it. Last has been Colon Cancer, and although most of it was removed, I believe she still has some. She also has been diagnosed with Parkinson's and has been nearly bed-bound for over 20 years due to emphysema.

But, these are not the things that really bother me. My grandma has had a long-standing attitude that she may die any minute which started when I was in my early teens. Although she is saved, she is not from the era of Christians who rejoiced in KNOWING they are saved, but yet she "hopes" she is saved. This is despite any Bible reading on my part to inform her of the contrary. <sigh>

But, that's not the part that really bothers me either. Seeing my grandparents age and eventually seeing their death is difficult, but yet it is part of the byproduct of having lived a long, beautiful life where they have even got to meet their great-grandchildren.

The part that bothers me is this: Because of being alone, watching a lot of TV, and side-effects from medication, and suspected dementia, my mom's parents have become very suspicious and sometimes mean. A couple of years ago, when I visited, they accused me of stealing some of their medication. I thought they were joking, but they were not. They had recently seen a documentary on TV stating how it was a growing epidemic for children and grand-children to steal their parents' and grandparents' medications. I came to find out that it was only 4 pills and my grandpa has misplaced everything from his car keys, own medicine, and GPS since... But, for this, I will always remember the pain of my grandparents thinking I would steal from them.

I was only able to visit for a few hours due to this, and I just plain miss them and the ability to speak to them regularly, without suspicion on their part.

How can you be a Christian and act like THAT!?

I have asked those words. My husband has asked those words. Many among me have posed the same question about others around them. How can you be a Christian and act like that? How can you judge someone like that when you're a Christian preacher? How can you treat your wife like that when you're a Christian? How can you run out on your husband when you're a Christian? How can you stop being friends with someone over their sin when you're a Christian? How can you call someone names when you're a Christian? How can you cast family aside when struggling with an uncontrollable illness when you're a Christian? How can you treat your God-given body so poorly that you cannot do all that you can for Christ as a Christian?

Have you ever asked that question... as a Christian? I know I have. I did last week. I was upset over something The Husband said to me. It got me thinking.. well, either that or the Holy Spirit did. You see, I've had that same question asked of me MANY times. (Behind my back, but that is a whole other issue.)                                  

How can you do that evil, sinful, prideful, selfish, disgusting thing... AND be a Christian?

Having the Holy Spirit inside me to guide me is such an amazing thing. Wouldn't it be awesome if I always let it guide me? Wouldn't it be amazing if every Christian always let it guide them in every thing they did of every moment of every day? Maybe that's what heaven will be like, but we aren't there yet.

As long as we are still living in the flesh, we will still be sinful and have to fight with that side of ourselves. But, why?

We have sinful, fleshly bodies. Here is the passage from Galatians 5:19-21 (KJV):

¹⁹ Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,

²⁰ Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,

²¹ Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

When we become Christians, we are blessed with baptism by the Holy Spirit. Jesus spoke these words in this account in John Chapter 3:

³ Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

⁴ Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother's womb, and be born?

⁵ Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.

⁶ That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.

⁷ Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.

Jesus speaks more about this Holy Spirit when he returns after his Resurrection as told in John 14:

²⁶ But the Helper, the Holy Spirit,whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. ²⁷ Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

So, when a man is born again by both the water and the Holy Spirit, he is now born of the Spirit of God. It dwells within him! So, HOW can a person who has been saved from his sins and will inherit the Kingdom of God do horrible things? Get into ridiculous arguments? Curse? Throw things? Divide brother from brother? Be prideful? Be haughty? Be judgmental? Be hateful?  Never apologize for wrongdoings? Withhold love?

How can I do these things when I feel the Holy Spirit within me?

Because I still have free will. As long as I still live in this body, I will battle with sin. My own desire to save the world myself. My own pride. My own righteousness. My own victories. My own way.

This frustrates me to no end within my own self! It is not that I want to be perfect. It is that I hate knowing that I cannot always contain my sin, and that it hurts people. But even the Apostle Paul who was one of the first to be baptized by the Holy Spirit, had a struggle with this. And in his words, I find comfort, and also empathy. This is from 2 Corinthians (NSRV):

⁵ On behalf of such a one I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses. ⁶ But if I wish to boast, I will not be a fool, for I will be speaking the truth. But I refrain from it, so that no one may think better of me than what is seen in me or heard from me, ⁷ even considering the exceptional character of the revelations. Therefore, to keep^[a] me from being too elated, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me, to keep me from being too elated.^[b] 8 Three times I appealed to the Lord about this, that it would leave me, ⁹ but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power^[c] is made perfect in weakness.” So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. ¹⁰ Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.


Amazing! Through our weaknesses, we are reminded of our need for God's power, who is made perfect when we show our weakness. His grace is sufficient. It covers that. Paul said that he would gladly boast of his weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in him. He became content with his imperfections because when he was weak, God made him strong.

So, I will keep up the good fight and have my moments where I remember that I act sinful when I try to be strong on my own. When I am weak and I let go of my pride, that is when I can show God through me. His spirit is inside of me, and so it shows in times when I squelch my own desires.

As for us, when we want to pull out the specks in others's eyes, we have to be reminded that it is only through God's grace that we are made strong. We will continue to do battle with sin until the flesh is no more. So when I see a Christian behave in a certain way, it is not for me to judge. If they are truly a Christian, it is just their pride keeping the Holy Spirit hidden. Pray for the afflicted individual. Talk TO the individual. Help them cope with their own thorn in their side.

The Holy Spirit is GREAT at convicting us when we listen. It is only our pride that wants to do it for the Holy Spirit. It is truly up to the individual on whether they will change. We might be able to sway them towards listening to the Holy Spirit, but they have to decide for themselves between free will and flesh.

I am going to stop asking my husband how he can do certain things.. because I see that I am just as good at "doing sin" while being a faithful Christian. Will you pledge today to do the same? Christianity doesn't keep us from being sinners. It only means we are redeemed when we repent of it! When we attack other Christians it only brings a blemish to our own faith!

To Train up a Child

There are few things in the world that bother me more than child safety, whether it is physical or emotional. I know just how deep the wounds can go and how long it can take to get over things. Time doesn't always heal all wounds. Some of us have a tough outer shell and some of us don't. I'm one of the don'ts... God made me sensitive.. why he did, I'm not sure. But, I FEEL for others.

Today, while out and about, I witnessed a woman with an 8 year old, another young child, and an infant (less than a year old) disciplining   hurting her infant. What I saw first was a harried woman, who was no doubt frustrated by having to shop with three young children. She was looking through the sale racks, while trying to make sure her 8 year old watched the younger child. I could tell they were about as tired of shopping as she was of watching them while shopping. In fact, they were going through the store yelling pretty loudly until they found the television area of the store, where the younger child promptly told another child sitting there to get out of the way, because that was his spot. I felt terribly that the woman had such a burden trying to shop for these kids all alone.

What happened next, though, was what changed my thoughts, and made me want to do something, to shake her out of herself, to make her realize that her actions were damaging.

Her youngest child was also clearly tired of being in the stroller. Perhaps he was tired of being in the stroller, perhaps he was hungry, perhaps he was just tired. Anyhow, he kept pulling on the dresses hanging on the racks and they kept coming off the hangers. Then, he gleefully watched as they hit the floor. The mother told him, two times, "Stop doing THAT! If you don't STOP that right now, I'm going to pop you."

That's when I stopped looking through the nearby boy's things and really payed attention to what happened next. When the baby whined and then pulled on another dress, and it hit the floor, the mother quickly grabbed one of the empty hangers and popped her son over the hand with it. He promptly started howling, with huge tears flowing down his cheeks. I don't know how hard she hit him, but it was enough to scare him and stop him from what he was doing for all of.... 5 seconds.

Then, he quickly pulled another dress off the hangers and it fell to the floor. She popped him again... it did no good.. he howled more and pulled off another dress. Finally, the woman gave up and went out of the store with all three children in tow.

I checked out and 5 minutes later I saw all of her children huddled up eating goldfish and the youngest draining a bottle very quickly.

This is the point where I wanted to shake the woman, to scream at her, to pop her on her hands. But I walked on, barely glancing at them, knowing that if I looked at those children long enough, I would want to scoop them up and cry with them.

You see, the children, they weren't acting out because they were bad kids. They were acting out because they had reached the limits of what they could do to keep themselves occupied, while they were HUNGRY.

From my experience as a parent, children act out for three different reasons:

1.) They need your attention. --- Whatever it is you're doing, you aren't providing them with enough attention, whether it is hugs, or talking, or engaging, or trying to ask you a question. I'm guilty of this one when I spend too much time on the computer. In my effort to try to complete my tasks at hand, I ignore my child's needs for interaction, just trying to finish what I'm working on. That's when the whining and acting out begin.. because it works to get what they NEED at that particular moment, that you've been trying to put off until a more convenient time.

2.) They are trying to understand how something works. -- My child spent a lot of time OBSESSED with the dishwasher. He's finally over that stage, but he spent a lot of effort trying to climb inside it (before he could walk) and take things out of it (some of them very SHARP), and trying to put things in it (that did NOT belong in there). While this was completely frustrating to me, to have this happen over and over and over every time I wanted to put something in or out of the dishwasher, I had to realize the reason for it: He hadn't figured it out yet. I could have spent the better part of 4 months screaming at him or popping him for this. It was, after all, a safety risk. Instead, I finally got it through my thick skull that he just wanted to figure out how it worked and understand it. So, I started giving him exploration lessons on it at certain times. I let him in there when it was safe and we practiced putting things in there that DID belong and taking things out that were SAFE to take out. His interest in it has mostly passed now. Now you might be saying, yah but that was something he could play with. Well, it wasn't always safe for him to play in. There were times when I did something called "Redirecting". I took him somewhere to do something else, instead of stay frustrated at his continued attempts to play when it wasn't safe.

3.) They are tired/ hungry/ both. -- It took me all of about 3 days to realize during the "Terrible Twos" that no matter what, you can't effectively discipline a child who is hungry and/or tired. It doesn't work. They are just not mature enough to handle putting their essential needs off to focus on the disciplining. Not only that, but both of the needs of being fed and getting enough sleep are almost 100% my fault as a parent. I don't put my child in bed early enough. I wake him up. I forget snacks. I forget to stop for lunch. I don't shop when he's full/ rested. Now, I know from my own personal experience that I have a hard time accomplishing tasks when I'm hungry and tired. How can I expect my child who is only a year out of the womb, to handle the same thing? I can't.



Now, at least from what I can tell from what I witnessed today, the poor little guy in the store today was most likely experiencing all three of these reasons. He had been put in a stroller, with little interaction from the busy mom. He was trying to understand why the clothes fell on the floor when he pulled sometimes, but not always. He also was obviously hungry and possibly tired.

And yet, she hit him. You might say that it wasn't as bad as smacking, or punching, or kicking. But, research says, the kid still experiences it the same way.

Studies show that children are unable to tell the difference in "for discipline hitting, popping, etc" and "genuine abuse". Very young children don't even understand the difference between fake things and real things. They just haven't grown the capacity yet. We assume children have the same ability as an adult to differentiate between abuse and punishment. It doesn't matter what the motives are, children interpret it with the same feelings of disappointment, shame, and hurt feelings no matter what the intensity is. If you touch your child in this way, they see it as abuse.

But, the worst condemnation comes from the hitting itself..... Research shows it simply doesn't work, especially when the above three things are happening. As evidenced by this mother, and my own experiences, discipline at young ages by this method doesn't work until long after the damage is done. Studies also show that spanking is not an effective method of discipline, by itself. If you are always going to need to use another method to discipline, why not forgo the abusive method, and only use the other method?

I think one of the things that disgusts me the most about this is that it is being taught and exemplified in by Christian writers and churches. The most famous example I can think of is "To Train Up a Child", by Michael Pearl. Here is just one of the sickening quotes from this book:

“My two-year-old will not stay in bed when I put him down. It seems like I am whipping him too much.  No matter how many times I whip him he still gets up.”  This is their recommendation: “If your spankings are too light to gain his respect, an increase in the intensity might be more persuasive.”   (IE: Spanking is not working, so you must not be doing it right.)


On many other pages, it recommends using switches and other methods to beat young YOUNG infants and to completely break down a 3 year old. There are many instances when the Bible is used to back up such behavior. Yet, the BIBLE NEVER ever condones hitting anyone, especially not a child. The Bible condones using the rod and the staff, as a shepherd would with wayward sheep: To gently guide them back to the straight path and to rescue them from going off a cliff. I can't think of a more loving way to treat your child. You see, if you used that rod to beat your young, helpless sheep, you would risk breaking him completely, putting enough stress on him to kill him, or physically damaging him.

The main question I asked myself is, "Would Jesus hit my child, in any way, to discipline him?" The answer is no, he would never do that. So, I can't justify it, not in any way.

So the research says that no matter what, touching your child in these ways has dire consequences, makes kids grow up not respecting, but resenting them, and the Bible doesn't support it.

I wish that I could have said these things to this woman, in love, and helped her to understand that her children weren't behaving that way because they're bad. They just weren't getting their needs met. But, for whatever reason, people tend to balk at this subject in unimaginable ways. They defend their right to spank their child like it is God-given. It is our right to sin, but there are consequences. If you are a Christian and want to defend your right to spank, I ask you to earnestly pray to God for the answer as to whether or not this is the right thing for your family.

I wish I could have been in that woman's life, to say to her, "I know this has to be frustrating. I will watch your kids while you take an hour to shop yourself." I wish I could do that for every parent, so that the temptation to give into frustration and take it out on their child would not happen.

A final thought today.. my child is prone to have the same behavior problems when I don't take care of his needs, I ignore him, and he's curious to figure things out. The lack of spanking or "popping" in our house doesn't magically fix anything. The best cure for behavior problems is simply taking care of their needs the best you can, being stern when needed, redirecting a whole lot, and realizing that one day they will be old enough to handle their feelings and needs better on their own.

And when The Baby (who is about to turn a whole TWO years old) is grown, I pray that he will look at me with respect, knowing that I didn't hit him to get him to listen, and that he listened because he respected. This will be a lot different than relationships that my husband and I have with our parents. But, then again, I don't know many people who were spanked and yelled at who have a great respect for their parents.



Links to studies and articles on spanking:
American Psychological Association
Time Magazine Article with Many Statistics
Psychology Today

When a Church Stops Loving...

A modern church and its congregation is like a ship. Some are more like cruise ships, a party and event for and theme for every day of the cruise. Some are more like a sailboat, drifting here and there, but only making progress when the winds blow in the right direction, reeling back when storms come calling. And then some are like an old tugboat, pulling mightily against a big barge, stuck in some sludge, very slowly trudging through the harbor. Some might even be like a slave-driven ship, with its oars being tiredly moved while the headmaster barks orders.

There are three ways ships usually sink. The first one could be a catastrophic event like an enormous unforeseen tidal wave, sweeping the ship completely over with all of its crew and members swept into the sea. The second is to assault the ship with many blows, some maybe large and some small, but eventually there are too many holes to plug and no matter how hard we try, it is a steady downfall into the deep. The last is a purposeful sinking. The kind where the ship is just worn out and there isn't enough money to keep her going. So we permanently dock her if she's lucky, a place where people come to visit, but not to do work. Or for the unlucky mass, she is sunk to the ocean, her doors closed forever.  She lost some crew members overboard and some of them have been lost to sea and some have been swimming in the murky waters alone now without a ship to rescue, and a precious few have been gently rescued by another type of ship. 

Churches sink the very same way... I have seen many enormous waves hit different churches, the cheating preacher scandal, the divorced pastor, the embezzlement scandal. Those are certainly unseen by all who are not committing the sin. They rock the church to the core and many times it will not ever come back. If the ship can be uprighted, there is much work to be done cleaning up the mess and debris.

The second assault happens blow by blow... it is so frustrating to watch. The decisions being made from sinful man's desires tearing apart the church piece by piece. Highly revered church-goers committing egregious sins and then people think, "If it happened to them, it can happen to me." A pastor makes a remark to a person judging their sin instead of helping them with it. An upstanding church member completely and utterly shuts people out of their life when discovering their sin. The congregation stops focusing on the true needs of their own and their community and starts focusing on, "How do we get more people coming here?" A minister leaves, because he's tired, tired of trying to bring needed changes that are shot down by prideful elders. A sense of pride envelopes members, and instead of thinking, "How can I help?" they think, "That person can't do this because of this, that, and the other that."

This type of sinking is difficult and painful to watch. It happens over such a long time that it may not be easily seen and then one day, another bomb hits, and it's to the deep she goes. If she's lucky, a new leader or congregation member, a mighty tugboat can bring her back to the docks to be repaired.

The third and last sinking is just as scary as the first two. After a long time, repairs and maintenance may not be done as needed to the church building. Emphasis isn't placed enough on the young and youthful, so the congregation is aging and losing interest. The church stops being a place of worship where people go to do the work of Christ. So sadly, the church becomes a hollow shell of what it once was. It is a place where people go to get their "Sunday fix", do their bench-warming, put on their "Sunday Best" and then they go home and don't think about Christ again until next Sunday. It is now a place to visit, not a place to repair and expand and keep working towards a goal. It is the dreaded "Dead Church". Eventually, this church may even close its doors forever, bought up by someone who liked the land.

A lot of people may think there is one reason for this, but is it the right reason to blame? We can blame the fall of man. We can blame our sin on our churches failing. But there is a greater reason, one we can all change. It is in our power, but our pride keeps us from doing it.

From Matthew 22:36-40

Matthew himself asked Jesus the question, "Teacher, tell me, which of these is the greatest Commandment in the Law?" He of course meant the Jewish Law.. the ten Commandments.

Jesus answered him, "You shall love the Lord your God with ALL of your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is, You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

As so many preachers preach on Sunday, repentance is not the greatest things Christians can do. It is only the first step. When we become Christians, our greatest commandment is to LOVE! LOVE your neighbor, who just had an affair. Love them and listen to them to find out WHY they ever did this in the first place. LOVE your coworker who you just found out is gay. LOVE your fellow congregation members who are struggling with love of money. And we are not talking about, "Hey, hi, how are you doing?" love... that is not love. Jesus said to love them as you love YOURSELF. He meant to give them the same forgiveness, using of excuses, and mercy that you give yourself. He also meant to help them as you would help yourself. 

Love all and be merciful. There is such a difference in preaching and teaching. When we preach, we are prideful in our ways. We tell a person that their actions are sinful, reprehensible, even that God HATES it. How can we bring that person to the Lord while telling them the Lord hates their behavior, and even them? I can't think of a more sinful thing than to go against God and his commandment to LOVE by doing this.

When we teach, we talk about our lost ways and how God has made a difference in our lives. We save the guilt and the conviction to God. If God doesn't like what a person is doing, there WILL be conviction, and we can't force that. 

Jesus told us to love for a reason. When we love people, we may see their sin, but we don't judge. We understand that it is only by God's grace that our salvation comes. Pride in Christianity brings destruction to churches. I am so THANKFUL I am a Christian, but it is not my doing. It is not from me that it comes. How dare I have pride for it?

How can love change all of this? Remember the first ship? She hit an iceberg or a tidal wave that capsized her. How could love change this? Her captain, the one in charge, could have been more alert to the goings on, in tune with either his own guidance or given better tools to the crows nest, to avoid the disaster, maybe not completely, but enough to keep the ship afloat. Remember the second ship? She was pelted time after time with blows from cannons or missiles. How could she have survived? By having the intelligence to know where enemy ships are, avoid them, run from them, or how to build up defenses against them. Remember the third ship? The last one became an empty, unused shell with no crew to maintain her. With a lot more love, investment, and work, she could have enjoyed many more years at sea.

Don't let your churches sink like these ships. Keep the love of your neighbor, your church, and most of all the LORD in your heart. Jesus commanded it to us, and more importantly, when we love other sinners, we are reminded of how grateful we need to be for grace upon our own souls.